NECTAR, n.
A drink served at banquets of the Olympian deities. The secret
of its preparation is lost, but the modern Kentuckians believe
that they come pretty near to a knowledge of its chief
ingredient.
NEGRO, n.
The piece de resistance in the American political
problem. Representing him by the letter n, the Republicans begin
to build their equation thus: "Let n = the white man." This,
however, appears to give an unsatisfactory solution.
NEIGHBOR, n.
One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all
he knows how to make us disobedient.
NEPOTISM, n.
Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the
party.
NEWTONIAN adj.
Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton,
who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but was
unable to say why. His successors and disciples have advanced so
far as to be able to say when.
NIHILIST, n.
A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The
leader of the school is Tolstoi.
NIRVANA, n.
In the Buddhist religion, a state of pleasurable annihilation
awarded to the wise, particularly to those wise enough to
understand it.
NOBLEMAN, n.
Nature's provision for wealthy American minds ambitious to incur
social distinction and suffer high life.
NOISE, n.
A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and
authenticating sign of civilization.
NOMINATE, v.
To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put
forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and
deadcatting of the opposition.
NOMINEE, n.
A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private
life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public
office.
NON- COMBATANT, n.
A dead Quaker.
NONSENSE, n.
The objections that are urged against this excellent
dictionary.
NOSE, n.
The extreme outpost of the face. From the circumstance that
great conquerors have great noses, Getius, whose writings
antedate the age of humor, calls the nose the organ of quell. It
has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when
thrust into the affairs of others, from which some physiologists
have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of
smell.
NOTORIETY, n.
The fame of one's competitor for public honors. The kind of
renown most accessible and acceptable to mediocrity. A
Jacob's- ladder leading to the vaudeville stage, with angels
ascending and descending.
NOUMENON, n.
That which exists, as distinguished from that which merely seems
to exist, the latter being a phenomenon. The noumenon is a bit
difficult to locate; it can be apprehended only be a process of
reasoning-- which is a phenomenon. Nevertheless, the discovery
and exposition of noumena offer a rich field for what Lewes calls
"the endless variety and excitement of philosophic thought."
Hurrah (therefore) for the noumenon!
NOVEL, n.
A short story padded. A species of composition bearing the same
relation to literature that the panorama bears to art. As it is
too long to be read at a sitting the impressions made by its
successive parts are successively effaced, as in the panorama.
Unity, totality of effect, is impossible; for besides the few
pages last read all that is carried in mind is the mere plot of
what has gone before. To the romance the novel is what
photography is to painting. Its distinguishing principle,
probability, corresponds to the literal actuality of the
photograph and puts it distinctly into the category of reporting;
whereas the free wing of the romancer enables him to mount to
such altitudes of imagination as he may be fitted to attain; and
the first three essentials of the literary art are imagination,
imagination and imagination. The art of writing novels, such as
it was, is long dead everywhere except in Russia, where it is
new. Peace to its ashes-- some of which have a large sale.
NOVEMBER, n.
The eleventh twelfth of a weariness.