SABBATH, n.
A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made
the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh. Among the
Jews observance of the day was enforced by a Commandment of which
this is the Christian version: "Remember the seventh day to make
thy neighbor keep it wholly." To the Creator it seemed fit and
expedient that the Sabbath should be the last day of the week,
but the Early Fathers of the Church held other views.?
SACERDOTALIST, n.
One who holds the belief that a clergyman is a priest. Denial of
this momentous doctrine is the hardest challenge that is now
flung into the teeth of the Episcopalian church by the
Neo- Dictionarians.
SACRAMENT, n.
A solemn religious ceremony to which several degrees of
authority and significance are attached. Rome has seven
sacraments, but the Protestant churches, being less prosperous,
feel that they can afford only two, and these of inferior
sanctity. Some of the smaller sects have no sacraments at all--
for which mean economy they will indubitable be damned.
SACRED adj.
Dedicated to some religious purpose; having a divine character;
inspiring solemn thoughts or emotions; as, the Dalai Lama of
Thibet; the Moogum of M'bwango; the temple of Apes in Ceylon; the
Cow in India; the Crocodile, the Cat and the Onion of ancient
Egypt; the Mufti of Moosh; the hair of the dog that bit Noah,
etc.
SANDLOTTER, n.
A vertebrate mammal holding the political views of Denis
Kearney, a notorious demagogue of San Francisco, whose audiences
gathered in the open spaces (sandlots) of the town. True to the
traditions of his species, this leader of the proletariat was
finally bought off by his law- and-order enemies, living
prosperously silent and dying impenitently rich. But before his
treason he imposed upon California a constitution that was a
confection of sin in a diction of solecisms. The similarity
between the words "sandlotter" and "sansculotte" is
problematically significant, but indubitably suggestive.
SAINT, n.
A dead sinner revised and edited.
SALACITY, n.
A certain literary quality frequently observed in popular
novels, especially in those written by women and young girls, who
give it another name and think that in introducing it they are
occupying a neglected field of letters and reaping an overlooked
harvest. If they have the misfortune to live long enough they are
tormented with a desire to burn their sheaves.
SALAMANDER, n.
Originally a reptile inhabiting fire; later, an anthropomorphous
immortal, but still a pyrophile. Salamanders are now believed to
be extinct, the last one of which we have an account having been
seen in Carcassonne by the Abbe Belloc, who exorcised it with a
bucket of holy water.
SARCOPHAGUS, n.
Among the Greeks a coffin which being made of a certain kind of
carnivorous stone, had the peculiar property of devouring the
body placed in it. The sarcophagus known to modern
obsequiographers is commonly a product of the carpenter's
art.
SATAN, n.
One of the Creator's lamentable mistakes, repented in sashcloth
and axes. Being instated as an archangel, Satan made himself
multifariously objectionable and was finally expelled from
Heaven. Halfway in his descent he paused, bent his head in
thought a moment and at last went back. "There is one favor that
I should like to ask," said he."Name it.""Man, I understand, is
about to be created. He will need laws.""What, wretch! you his
appointed adversary, charged from the dawn of eternity with
hatred of his soul-- you ask for the right to make his
laws?""Pardon; what I have to ask is that he be permitted to make
them himself."It was so ordered.
SATIETY, n.
The feeling that one has for the plate after he has eaten its contents.
SATIRE, n.
An obsolete kind of literary composition in which the vices and
follies of the author's enemies were expounded with imperfect
tenderness. In this country satire never had more than a sickly
and uncertain existence, for the soul of it is wit, wherein we
are dolefully deficient, the humor that we mistake for it, like
all humor, being tolerant and sympathetic. Moreover, although
Americans are "endowed by their Creator" with abundant vice and
folly, it is not generally known that these are reprehensible
qualities.
SATYR, n.
One of the few characters of the Grecian mythology accorded
recognition in the Hebrew. (Leviticus, xvii, 7.) The satyr was at
first a member of the dissolute community acknowledging a loose
allegiance with Dionysius, but underwent many transformations and
improvements. Not infrequently he is confounded with the faun, a
later and decenter creation of the Romans, who was less like a
man and more like a goat.
SAUCE, n.
The one infallible sign of civilization and enlightenment. A
people with no sauces has one thousand vices; a people with one
sauce has only nine hundred and ninety- nine. For every sauce
invented and accepted a vice is renounced and forgiven.
SAW, n.
A trite popular saying, or proverb. (Figurative and colloquial.)
So called because it makes its way into a wooden head. Following
are examples of old saws fitted with new teeth.
A penny saved is a penny to squander.
A man is known by the company that he organizes.
A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that.
A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
Better late than before anybody has invited you.
Example is better than following it.
Half a loaf is better than a whole one if there is much else.
Think twice before you speak to a friend in need.
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking
somebody to
do it.
Least said is soonest disavowed.
He laughs best who laughs least.
Speak of the Devil and he will hear about it.
Of two evils choose to be the least.
Strike while your employer has a big contract.
Where there's a will there's a won't.
SCARABAEUS, n.
The sacred beetle of the ancient Egyptians, allied to our
familiar "tumble- bug." It was supposed to symbolize immortality,
the fact that God knew why giving it its peculiar sanctity. Its
habit of incubating its eggs in a ball of ordure may also have
commended it to the favor of the priesthood, and may some day
assure it an equal reverence among ourselves. True, the American
beetle is an inferior beetle, but the American priest is an
inferior priest.
SCARABEE, n.
The same as scarabaeus.
SCARIFICATION, n.
A form of penance practised by the mediaeval pious. The rite was
performed, sometimes with a knife, sometimes with a hot iron, but
always, says Arsenius Asceticus, acceptably if the penitent
spared himself no pain nor harmless disfigurement. Scarification,
with other crude penances, has now been superseded by
benefaction. The founding of a library or endowment of a
university is said to yield to the penitent a sharper and more
lasting pain than is conferred by the knife or iron, and is
therefore a surer means of grace. There are, however, two grave
objections to it as a penitential method: the good that it does
and the taint of justice.
SCEPTER, n.
A king's staff of office, the sign and symbol of his authority.
It was originally a mace with which the sovereign admonished his
jester and vetoed ministerial measures by breaking the bones of
their proponents.
SCRAP- BOOK, n.
A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some
small distinction compile scrap- books containing whatever they
happen to read about themselves or employ others to collect.?
SCRIBBLER, n.
A professional writer whose views are antagonistic to one's
own.
SCRIPTURES, n.
The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the
false and profane writings on which all other faiths are
based.
SEINE, n.
A kind of net for effecting an involuntary change of
environment. For fish it is made strong and coarse, but women are
more easily taken with a singularly delicate fabric weighted with
small, cut stones.
SELF- ESTEEM, n.
An erroneous appraisement.
SELF- EVIDENT adj.
Evident to one's self and to nobody else.
SELFISH adj.
Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
SENATE, n.
A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and
misdemeanors.
SERIAL, n.
A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping
through several issues of a newspaper or magazine. Frequently
appended to each installment is a "synposis of preceding
chapters" for those who have not read them, but a direr need is a
synposis of succeeding chapters for those who do not intend to
read them. A synposis of the entire work would be still
better.The late James F. Bowman was writing a serial tale for a
weekly paper in collaboration with a genius whose name has not
come down to us. They wrote, not jointly but alternately, Bowman
supplying the installment for one week, his friend for the next,
and so on, world without end, they hoped. Unfortunately they
quarreled, and one Monday morning when Bowman read the paper to
prepare himself for his task, he found his work cut out for him
in a way to surprise and pain him. His collaborator had embarked
every character of the narrative on a ship and sunk them all in
the deepest part of the Atlantic.
SEVERALTY, n.
Separateness, as, lands in severalty, i.e., lands held
individually, not in joint ownership. Certain tribes of Indians
are believed now to be sufficiently civilized to have in
severalty the lands that they have hitherto held as tribal
organizations, and could not sell to the Whites for waxen beads
and potato whiskey.
SHERIFF, n.
In America the chief executive office of a country, whose most
characteristic duties, in some of the Western and Southern
States, are the catching and hanging of rogues.
SIREN, n.
One of several musical prodigies famous for a vain attempt to
dissuade Odysseus from a life on the ocean wave. Figuratively,
any lady of splendid promise, dissembled purpose and
disappointing performance.
SLANG, n.
The grunt of the human hog (Pignoramus intolerabilis)
with an audible memory. The speech of one who utters with his
tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a
creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. A means (under
Providence) of setting up as a wit without a capital of
sense.
SOPHISTRY, n.
The controversial method of an opponent, distinguished from
one's own by superior insincerity and fooling. This method is
that of the later Sophists, a Grecian sect of philosophers who
began by teaching wisdom, prudence, science, art and, in brief,
whatever men ought to know, but lost themselves in a maze of
quibbles and a fog of words.
SORCERY, n.
The ancient prototype and forerunner of political influence. It
was, however, deemed less respectable and sometimes was punished
by torture and death. Augustine Nicholas relates that a poor
peasant who had been accused of sorcery was put to the torture to
compel a confession. After enduring a few gentle agonies the
suffering simpleton admitted his guilt, but naively asked his
tormentors if it were not possible to be a sorcerer without
knowing it.
SOUL, n.
A spiritual entity concerning which there hath been brave
disputation. Plato held that those souls which in a previous
state of existence (antedating Athens) had obtained the clearest
glimpses of eternal truth entered into the bodies of persons who
became philosophers. Plato himself was a philosopher. The souls
that had least contemplated divine truth animated the bodies of
usurpers and despots. Dionysius I, who had threatened to
decapitate the broad- browed philosopher, was a usurper and a
despot. Plato, doubtless, was not the first to construct a system
of philosophy that could be quoted against his enemies; certainly
he was not the last.
SPOOKER, n.
A writer whose imagination concerns itself with supernatural
phenomena, especially in the doings of spooks. One of the most
illustrious spookers of our time is Mr. William D. Howells, who
introduces a well- credentialed reader to as respectable and
mannerly a company of spooks as one could wish to meet. To the
terror that invests the chairman of a district school board, the
Howells ghost adds something of the mystery enveloping a farmer
from another township.
SUCCESS, n.
The one unpardonable sin against one's fellows.
SUFFRAGE, n.
Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of
suffrage (which is held to be both a privilege and a duty) means,
as commonly interpreted, the right to vote for the man of another
man's choice, and is highly prized. Refusal to do so has the bad
name of "incivism." The incivilian, however, cannot be properly
arraignedfor his crime, for there is no legitimate accuser. If
the accuser is himself guilty he has no standing in the court of
opinion; if not, he profits by the crime, for A's abstention from
voting gives greater weight to the vote of B.?
SYCOPHANT, n.
One who approaches Greatness on his belly so that he may not be
commanded to turn and be kicked. He is sometimes an editor.
SYLPH, n.
An immaterial but visible being that inhabited the air when the
air was an element and before it was fatally polluted with
factory smoke, sewer gas and similar products of civilization.
Sylphs were allied to gnomes, nymphs and salamanders, which
dwelt, respectively, in earth, water and fire, all now
insalubrious. Sylphs, like fowls of the air, were male and
female, to no purpose, apparently, for if they had progeny they
must have nested in accessible places, none of the chicks having
ever been seen.
SYMBOL, n.
Something that is supposed to typify or stand for something
else. Many symbols are mere "survivals"-- things which having no
longer any utility continue to exist because we have inherited
the tendency to make them; as funereal urns carved on memorial
monuments. They were once real urns holding the ashes of the
dead. We cannot stop making them, but we can give them a name
that conceals our helplessness.